This guide book infuses My Inner Child Clinic's knowledge and experience in inner child healing and the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. We did this to provide bereavement support for couples who have lost a loved one.
Mourning as a Couple
Losing a loved one, especially a child, can shake the very foundation of a relationship. Grief can leave couples feeling disconnected, isolated, and overwhelmed by sorrow. However, healing is possible when partners support each other through their grief journey. Mourning as a couple builds bridges of connection and shared purpose, so that instead of being alone and misunderstood, couples turn to each other for mutual understanding, cooperation and consolation.
This guide integrates Inner Child Clinic’s salutogenic approach, Dr. John Gottman’s relationship science, and William Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning, offering couples a path to healing while maintaining emotional connection and resilience.
Understanding the Mourning Process: William Worden’s Four Tasks
Grief is not a linear journey; it requires active engagement. Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning provide a framework to help couples navigate their loss together:
Accept the Reality of the Loss
Process the Pain of Grief
Adjust to a World Without the Deceased
Find an Enduring Connection While Moving Forward
This guide will explore how these tasks intersect with Gottman’s principles of relationship health and Inner Child Clinic’s approach to self-awareness and emotional safety.
Task 1: Accepting the Reality of the Loss
💙 Gottman Insight: Grief can cause partners to withdraw or seek reassurance in different ways. When couples do not grieve in sync, misunderstandings can arise. The first step in mourning is to acknowledge the loss as a shared reality.
What Couples Can Do:
Turn Toward Each Other: Instead of grieving in isolation, create space to share memories and emotions.
Practice Active Listening: Allow each partner to express their grief without judgment. Say, “I hear you,” instead of trying to fix their pain.
Inner Child Connection: Recognize how past losses may shape current grief responses. Each partner’s childhood experiences with loss may influence how they process mourning now.
💡 Reflection Prompt: “How do I experience grief? Do I withdraw or reach out? How does my partner process loss differently?”
Task 2: Processing the Pain of Grief
🌊 Gottman Insight: Suppressing grief can lead to emotional distance, resentment, or miscommunication in a relationship. Processing pain requires both individual and shared healing efforts.
What Couples Can Do:
Create Rituals of Connection: Schedule time to talk about emotions, memories, or milestones related to the loved one.
Identify the Four Horsemen in Grief: Avoid Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling when discussing painful feelings. Use Soft Start-ups instead.
Self-Compassion & Inner Child Work: Notice emotional triggers that remind you of past wounds. Offer yourself the same kindness you would give to a grieving child.
💡 Guided Exercise: Sit together and complete this sentence: “The hardest part of this grief for me is…” Then, hold space for each other’s response without interruption.
If you feel the need for a trained psychotherapist to support your grief journey as a couple or an individual, reach out to us.
Task 3: Adjusting to a World Without the Deceased
🌱 Gottman Insight: This stage can be particularly difficult as couples may have different ideas about what “adjusting” means. One may seek to resume normalcy, while the other still feels engulfed in sadness.
What Couples Can Do:
Update Love Maps: Relearn your partner’s inner world, as grief may shift personal goals, values, or emotional needs.
Cooperate in Daily Responsibilities: Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Supporting each other in shared responsibilities prevents resentment and strengthens connection.
Mindful Self-Regulation: Use grounding techniques to manage emotional overwhelm. Try deep breathing, gentle movement, or nature walks together.
💡 Reflection Prompt: “What daily task feels hardest for me right now? How can my partner support me in this adjustment?”
Task 4: Finding an Enduring Connection While Moving Forward
✨ Gottman Insight: Moving forward does not mean forgetting—it means integrating the loss into a new way of living and loving.
What Couples Can Do:
Honour the Relationship Together: Create a tradition to remember the loved one, such as lighting a candle on special dates or writing letters to them.
Build Shared Meaning: Reaffirm commitment to each other by finding new shared goals and values.
Reignite Intimacy & Affection: Physical and emotional closeness may be difficult after loss. Small gestures, like holding hands or sharing a warm embrace, rebuild trust and comfort.
💡 Guided Exercise: Write down three ways you will carry your loved one’s memory forward while continuing to nurture your relationship.
Final Words: Healing as a Couple
Grief is deeply personal, yet it does not have to be endured alone. We hope that by reflecting on the questions and couple dialogue activities in this guide book, you and your partner may foster a shared purpose of holding each other in your vulnerability and being there for each other, through it all.
At My Inner Child Clinic, we provide compassionate, trauma-informed support to help couples navigate grief with resilience, emotional connection, and self-awareness.
📍 If you need guidance through your grief journey, we’re here to help. 💙
💬 Book a Consultation →
About My Inner Child Clinic
At My Inner Child Clinic, we specialize in trauma-informed therapy, grief support, and relationship healing. Our approach integrates Inner Child Healing, the Gottman Method, and evidence-based grief therapy to help couples navigate loss with emotional safety, resilience, and connection. We provide compassionate guidance so that mourning as a couple becomes a journey of growth, understanding, and deeper intimacy.
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